homesick

Hiraeth

(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was, the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past

I just want to go home.

Even though I'm sitting at home, I feel homesick.

I don't know where my real home is.

I'm homesick to a time, a place that doesn't even exist.

How can I come home?

follow me

"Follow me."

elastic heart

Elastic Heart - Sia

Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,

But your blade it might be too sharp

I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard,

I may snap and I move fast

But you won't see me fall apart

Cause I've got an elastic heart

i understand

Blood. 

It's all over the bathroom sink. 

I see a small paring knife beside the sink with red on the tip. 

Panic overtook me and I feel afraid. I'm not used to seeing blood other than my own. 

I called out his name. It should only be us in this house. 

My eyes followed the trail of blood down the sink and onto the tile. 

I slowly follow it, leading me outside and into the bedroom. I'm shaking with horror. 

And there he is, sitting on the floor, covering his blood-soaked wrist. 

I then heard something. I realized it was me letting out a scream. 

He was crying and I was crying. 

I asked him why. And I finally understand. 

I now know how it feels like when somebody sees me like this. When I'm at my worst. 

It broke me apart seeing him crashing down, wanting to escape so badly like how I wanted to. 

And now I understand.

silence

You know you're comfortable with someone when you two can sit there without a word. Silence. Others may find it too awkward, but I don't. Sometimes you don't need words, but simply just being there. Knowing that someone can stick up with me is more than enough. It's something special. It brings us closer together. A bonding. Looking at each other's eyes like it's the first time we ever saw beauty. Just the presence of you is all I need.

hello 2015

I can't believe we have reached the year 2015. It feels weird. It flew by so fast. 2014 has been a very rocky year for me. It felt like my world is collapsing and I was completely upside down. There was nothing to do but watch my life crumble. Work, stress, depression, loneliness — it came to me all at once. Everything seemed impossible. There even came a time when I was really sick for more than a week, and I was not myself for a few months. And nobody noticed. I cried. And I cried. And I cried. It was just way too much for me.

But a few months before the end of 2014, something happened to me that I never thought would. I met someone. It was someone I talked to over the internet. I have never in my life met someone online. We talked and talked, and I found myself falling for him. We are so alike in many ways and I didn't think that was possible. I never thought I would find someone who understands completely what I go through sometimes. Not even my friends. But this person is different. Something special about him I can't quite put into words. Now it's almost been 3 months since we met. And whenever I see him, it made me forget about all my problems, and I feel so much happier with him.

I really hope 2015 is the year for me to start anew. This will be a new chapter in my life for me to write about. I hope this year will be a better year. I can't wait to make new memories this year with the people in my life. And I hope to meet more amazing people. I wish all of you beautiful writers a happy, prosperous new year. Let's bring it on 2015!